Nothing ever seemed to work, and whatever we did made it worse. I didn’t realise at the time that we did enable her. But here’s the thing. You think you are doing what any loving family will do, helping any way you can. At some point, the helping is you trying to rescue this person and then enabling. You still think it’s love, and not doing it triggers feelings of guilt.

So, we carried on in this cycle of enabling my sister and things turned into a living nightmare. Every day it felt like I was trapped and drowning alongside her.

We all got pulled into this, including her kids and husband. Different services got involved because she had children. My mum had her stay countless times, thinking that she needed a break and that would help. She would often get drunk at mum’s, and the erratic and violent behaviour would start getting worse each time. It was like each intervention we did as a family produced a worse reaction.

So much support, so much pleading, shouting, listening, love, numerous services, support workers involved, and nothing worked.

I discovered Al-Anon, and I learnt you could not rescue another person. They need to be able to want to stop first. I heard words like detaching with love, forgiveness and let go and let God. In the beginning, I could not understand this. I didn’t come to Al-Anon for a solution to stop my sister from drinking. I came for myself because I was desperate, and I knew something in my life needed to change.

It has been a rollercoaster for sure. Regardless of what is happening with my sister’s drinking (she is still drinking, and the situation has got worse), I am continuing on my path of healing. I no longer feel like I am drowning with her. I no longer feel panicky when I hear something has happened. Now I feel like I can cope. I can handle this and still be ok.

Slowly I have learnt emotional detachment and boundaries. In my own experience, I have to practise this regularly by looking after myself. I do this with regular Al-Anon meetings, talking with a professional to work through my emotional triggers and a lot of self-care. For me, self-care is simple. It is placing a hand on my heart and asking myself what do I need at this moment? What will bring me peace right now? Then it’s following through on that. Sometimes it is talking to someone; it's walking in nature, and other times it's journaling. Sometimes it's just a distraction and Netflix.

Life is precious, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I owe it to myself to be happy. I deserve to be happy despite the heartache with my sister. I can still be happy in my own life, and that is not selfish. Happiness is a gift because life is a gift. Through her journey and my own, I can appreciate my life is a gift and one I will no longer take for granted, regardless of the outside drama in my life.

If you saw me a year ago to now, I would be unrecognisable. I was suffering physically and emotionally. My health was impacted, as was my relationships and my work. I went into each day with anxiety and went to sleep with fear in my stomach. My whole life had stopped and centred around this situation. Now my life centres on me. I am my main focus and take one step at a time.