My dad's drinking got out of control…
Alcoholism is often referred to as a family illness. When one person is affected the whole family feels the impacts. I was 17 years old when my dad's drinking got out of control. He went from drinking occasionally to drinking continuously for days on end. We had a shop at the time and some days he would wake up at 5am and by 6am he would hand me the keys and tell him he is drunk now, and I was in charge. The rest of the time that responsibility would fall to my mum.
It was a very difficult time for us. The family never knew what each day would bring. I started to find work outside the home so my dad couldn't rely on me. But that didn't work either. I would just end up calling in sick and covering for my dad as it was too much for my mum to look after the shop and care for my nephew and niece at the same time. Even when I was at work, I was riddled with guilt wondering if my mum was coping. I lost 3 jobs as consequence. I then started university and ended up taking days off and getting into trouble. I managed to get through somehow and then for my final year my mum told me I had to move to my university so that dad couldn't rely on me at all. It helped for a while and he stopped drinking. Even though he had stopped I still had nightmares all the time that he would drink again. I finished my degree, we sold the shop and I got married. Everything still seemed ok and dad was still dry, or so I thought. A few years later I realised that he had not stopped for as long as I thought he had. He had just hid it from me. I was so angry, hurt and disappointed. All the feelings of being an angry 17-year-old re-emerged.
After that he would have a few dry weeks and then drink again, and it just became a vicious circle. I did not speak to my dad very often and when I did it would be an argument. I spent most of my adult life resentful and embarrassed that my dad was an alcoholic. I hated him for it.
But after attending family support meetings I soon realised that he has an illness and it isn't his fault. He is a good man with a horrible illness. He was never abusive to me and he would only argue with me to defend himself against my aggression towards him. Through the help of support groups, I came to understand that this wasn't about me. I didn't cause this, and I certainly couldn't cure it. But I can show compassion and kindness. Now I have the best relationship with dad that I have ever had. We can have conversations that don't lead to arguments. He even rang me to tell he is proud of me and actually thanked me for helping him in the shop. He still drinks now and refuses to acknowledge the problem, but that is his problem to solve and if and when he decides he wants my help, I will be there to support him.