Her husband realised her drinking was out of control…
I arrived in the UK from India in the early 1960s; together with my parents and three siblings. My father was offered a career in teaching in the West Midlands and in the late 1960’s I had a new baby brother, in total we were now five children growing up.
During the 1970’s I became aware that my father had become a functioning alcoholic and life was becoming governed by alcohol.
As my father had worked very hard at his job in the UK he had high expectations for his children in terms of achievements and competing with other families. My mother also worked and the older children often looked after their younger siblings.
As the middle child I often felt forgotten. I was guided by my older sister but at the same time I wanted to be equal to my brothers; “as such I was a Tom boy” . Throughout our childhood my father had a tendency to become angry when things were not going his way, this sometimes resulted in physical violence on his part.
My sister followed her own path and married a western man, however at that time my parents preferred to arrange my marriage but I made it clear that I wanted the ability to choose my husband myself. I did have my choice and I married in 1983.
I lived with my husband and his extended family. He gave me the confidence to pass my driving test and start a career within the Local Authority. I had two children with a seven year age gap. During the following years life was fast paced and as well as working we often had parties and visits to night clubs and restaurants. The active social life I led often resulted in me drinking socially. Initially the drink was not a problem, even though in the back of my mind I thought I could become an alcoholic.
At this point in time, several members of my family on both sides, but especially the men, were drinking alcohol on a regular basis, including some female members. A drinking culture became the norm and I was drinking heavily with other females, both family and friends. I became a heavy drinker for two years and in hindsight I now understand I was becoming an alcoholic.
My husband realised my consumption of alcohol was getting out of control, however at the time I was in denial. Worried about me, my husband confided in my family. However, I was not ready to accept that I was becoming an alcoholic and became paranoid that my husband was liaising with my family as I did not feel my drinking was out of control.
The wake-up call came when I was arrested for “Drink Driving” one morning. For some reason I thought there was more stigma because I was a woman and particularly an Asian woman, however I became aware it was my addiction to alcohol.
Now 18 years on, I am living a life of sobriety, free from the dark influences of alcohol. Alcohol may have controlled me once but it certainly doesn’t now. I’m comfortable around alcohol and never feel the need to have a drink. I find pleasure in other aspects of life such as travelling, and spending time with my family especially first born grandson. I also try to support recovering alcoholics through the AA program, this last been extended to zoom meeting during lockdown. Since lockdown has eased, I have been attending regular AA meetings.
In the future, I’m looking forward to my younger son’s wedding which has been delayed due to Covid 19. Also, I am looking forward to continue on my path of sobriety and help others in their recovery.